Sunday, October 16, 2011

Husband

I wrote a post around 12 months ago, when Peter and I had just gotten married.  I was musing on whether I felt any different.  So here I am...12 months to the day since I got married.  Where has the year gone?  A couple of people have joked that the first year of marriage can be the hardest, and considering some of the things we've dealt with, I have my fingers crossed for plain sailing from here on.  Ha!  Yeah, I thought it was funny too.

I think back to us at Dayleford on our honeymoon, sitting on the couch smirking at each other, with bewildered expressions on our faces, saying 'we got married'.  It did seem quite surreal.  Those first few times saying 'my husband' or hearing Peter say 'my wife' could hardly be said without floods of giggles.  It was hard to tell we're both in our 40s.

So how do I feel 12 months on?  I have to admit I feel incredibly different. 'Husband' has come to be such an incredibly dear word to me.  I've done relationships before.  Really long term ones.  But this some how feels different.  Stable, secure, solid.  We've had a few issues in the last 12 months, but we're working on them.  When someone asked us if the issues were 'deal breakers', I looked at Peter and replied simply 'no'.  Life now consists of working things through.  Even big hard stuff.  I have found the person who I can talk to about the hard things that life throws at you.  Regardless of where we find ourselves, even at odds with each other, we never let go of each other's hand.  That's the deal.  No one falls.  There is always someone there to catch the other.

I guess this says more about the relationship, than marriage per se.  I know of many successful committed relationships, and some marriages that don't make it.  Like all relationships, it's about people.  It's about the celebrations and the difficulties.  The hurdles, the triumphs and at times, even the mundane.  Communication, understanding and love is hopefully what will get you through...and remembering to stop sometimes and look deep into each others eyes, or kiss on the side of the street.  You have to stop and smell the roses sometimes in the crazy hectic whirl of life.  Love, friendship and relationships should be celebrated and nurtured.

I have something printed out on my desk at home.  It sits on my computer, mixed in with the other scraps of papers and notes, and articles for study and bits of life.  It was something Peter wrote on my facebook page back in 2009.  It was a declaration of how deeply he loves me and it reads like poetry.  It literally makes my chest hurt when I read it.  I only stumble across it every so often, but it serves as a glorious reminder of how amazing it can be to love and be loved.  And it's a good reminder to never take that for granted.  I know how lucky I am to have found Peter.

We had planned to celebrate our first anniversary interstate - Sydney or Hobart.  But as it turns out, we ended up finding a home.  And amazingly, settlement is a couple of days after our anniversary.  So we're up to our armpits in paperwork, and packing boxes.  And although we could both desperately do with a holiday, it's nice to finally have a home of our own.  A little more space than where we are renting, and a step back on the property ladder.  It will be nice to feel settled for a while, and it's especially nice to stop looking at property.  We feel like we're reclaiming our lives.

So - how will we be spending our day?  Hopefully looking doe-eyed at each other.  We're hoping to get out to Heide Gallery and stroll around Sunday's garden and grab some lunch at Cafe Vue.  Quiet and understated, like our wedding and honeymoon.  We'll get a holiday at some point.  But right now, I'll settle for time off work and time with my husband...and a home.  I love you Peter.  Happy 1st Wedding Anniversary.