Saturday, October 18, 2014

Four

16th October 2010.  It's been four years since two giddy idiots got married.  When I think of that day all I see is smiles.  That's a nice memory to have.  I've been reminded recently about the whirlwind that a wedding can create.  Looking at the world through 'love' coloured glasses is a pretty cool thing.  With all the bad news in the world it's nice to remember the importance of joy and happiness.

Our anniversary (apart from being Oscar Wilde's birthday!) also coincides with the Melbourne Festival.  Which luckily means getting dressed up and going out to see great music, theatre  and art.  Last night we saw 'Complexity of Belonging' at the Melbourne Theatre Company.  It sits strangely somewhere between a dance performance and spoken word.  It was mesmerising, as the lines between acting and the actors real life seemed blurred.  Perhaps this was what made it seem so powerful.

We have all at some point in our lives wanted to belong.  Even if we are fringe dwellers, finding someone who understands you can be life changing.  The performance explores the connectedness of people.  Searching, hoping to find someone perfect who understands us and makes us feel loved.  More than that, it's also about the connectedness within ourselves.  Are we happy?  Do we feel fulfilled? Are we too scared to change the habits we have developed?  Can we let people 'in'?

The complexity of the individual is explored; our identity as 'australians', gay, straight, male, female, asian, aboriginal, white, successful, lonely, alone, our desires, regrets, wants, needs and fears.  The dance element highlighted how we tie ourselves up in knots, spinning and confused.  Video cameras and projections serve to show the distance that can exist between people in a connected online world.  There were many references to being at airports and traveling.  On the move...but perhaps standing still within ourselves.  Days go by but do we move forward? Are we living our lives?  Peter and I were quiet afterwards.  So many thoughts to take in.  It's such a beautiful and clever performance.

I was thinking last night about a question a friend asked me last week.  Was there a moment when I 'knew' with Peter.  That he was 'the one'.  In reality I don't know.  But watching the performance last night I realised that the combination of Peter and I together has meant the breaking of a lot of old habits for me.  There's a sense of closeness.  Of being laid bare.  Any protective wall I had was down and I trusted him not to judge or hurt me.  Our wedding vows were about helping each other become the people we were meant to be.  I am with someone that helps my confidence and self belief...and that is a gift.

And perhaps that is the real complexity.  Peter and I were different when we were with different people.  But it's the combination of 'us' that makes us who we are.  So perhaps it wasn't so much about finding 'the one', maybe it was finding myself and finding someone who helps me with that.

Happy Anniversary Peter xo