The best laid plans of husbands and wives often go awry. Pardon my borrowing of the Robert Burns line. But this sums up our 14th wedding anniversary perfectly. Peter and I planned to take time off work to do something nice together. The Melbounre Fringe program came out of one of our favourite troupe of performers were doing a show. The planets had aligned, we thought. A nice dinner out followed by Finucane & Smith, all on a Wednesday night. Of our week off work, this was the fixed point we'd organised everything else around.
We'd bought tickets to lots of other Fringe shows and were remarking on how this felt like 'fun fest' all over again. Fun fest began thanks to a suggestion by a psychologist over 10 years ago. When life was super hard it was good to do things which inspired us and fed our brains and hearts in equal measure. We'd seen some really wonderful performances and were marvelling at the writing and acting skills. And then Peter gets an email a couple of days before the anniversary date night show. The session we'd booked had been cancelled. After a bit of back and forth we had to move the tickets to another day, and cancel our dinner plans. We tried to rethink what to do for our anniversary and came up with a plan B. We shuffled our plans for the week around too. However, on the morning of our anniversary Peter woke up sick. Plan B was now also out the window.
I went out alone, running errands and came home with some treats from Smith & Deli which we had for dinner on the couch. Facebook memories highlighted that we'd spent our 5th anniversary having dinner at Smith & Daughters. We both smiled. Sometimes ad hoc things can end up feeling right.
But it's Friday today, the day of our rescheduled tickets. Peter is even more unwell than he was on Wednesday. An awful flu has taken hold, so I'm hoping a friend can step in to be my date. It feels symbolic of the curveballs life has thrown at us.
If the last 12 months could be summed up in one word - it would be 'learning'. 'Tired' would run a very close second! Since our last wedding anniversary Peter has learned how to sell a house. With his Dad in ongoing aged care we needed help. The system is too complicated to navigate on our own. Luckily Peter found a great financial advisor who stepped him through the options, and the reality of having to sell his Dad's house. Essentially this meant Peter spending a lot of time away from home, dealing with his Dad's life admin, and beginning the task of clearing 35 years of his parents lives. It took months to remove all traces of Peter's family. What remained was his Mum's beautiful roses, flowering abundantly as we packed the last things into my car, 24 hours before settlement and headed home to Melbourne.
The one bright moment in the relentlessness of early 2024 was attending a friends wedding in regional Victoria nearby to Peter's Dads house, the weekend before we went back to Melbourne. Peter and I beamed, watching these two lovely people share their love with all who witnessed the ceremony. It was a reminder of how lucky it feels to have found your person. A partner who is your best friend, and will hold your hand through all the hard bits life throws at you. That is a love which should be celebrated. It felt incredibly special to be there, and our hangovers the next day speak of the fun we had. It felt like a moment, just for us, to step back into our 'real' lives.
Peter and I had talked a lot about trying not to let his Dad's health and aged care admin take over our lives. However, the reality is, for much of the last few years, it's had to be a priority. There hasn't been a lot of time for us. Our lives have felt focused on his Dad. It's hard not to let every conversation be about this, as it's taken up a lot of emotions and brain space. Sometimes that's just how life is.
After settlement we went back to work, and that's when the tiredness really took over. The moment we stopped to breath an avelanche of exhuastion crashed down on both of us. It's taken months before we even felt in the ballpark of our old selves again. It's been a difficult time. But through the hard bits, it's highlighted how important hugs are. How much I love the fact we make each other laugh until tears stream down our faces and we can hardly breath. That our relationship is built on kindness and support.
We may have missed seeing the rescheduled show together, and cancelled our dinner plans. I'm sad that our week doing nice things together was hijacked by a virus. I'm sorry that the last twelve months has been harder and more exhausting than we'd ever imagined. But I'm grateful for our chats, hugs, laughs and big conversations. And this is a love that should be celebrated. Finding your person. The one who holds your hand through all the hard bits life throws at you. A love that still sparkles at the memory of marrying each other fourteen years ago.
I love you Peter. I hope you feel better soon x
Photos of us over the years at Finucane & Smith shows
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