On Wednesday morning I stirred. 2am. Despite my best efforts I was unable to get back to sleep...until just before my alarm for work went off. Ain't it always the way. Arriving at work I found similarly sleep deprived colleagues. We were all exhausted, desperately slamming down coffee to make our brains function for the day. Was it a full moon?
On seeing the news when I got out of bed, I suggested that there was a ripple in the universe letting us know that Dolly Parton had died. Something in our world had shifted, which seemed to impact so many. Days later and the tributes are still pouring in. She was loved and respected by all. It's not a surprise. Funny. Self deprecating. A singer. An actor. A philanthropist. Someone who led with kindness and inclusivity rather than judgement and division. Someone without a child who helped support and raise thousands of children around the world with the gift of literacy through her Imagination Library.
While billionaires jostle to blast themselves into space, get their names on buildings or increase the rich/poor divide lining their pockets with obscene amounts of money, Dolly used her wealth to impact people's lives. She donated a million dollars towards the development of the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine. She created an eagle sanctuarty, supporting non-releaseable bald eagles, countless scholarships and incentives for children to finish school or go to college, organised fundraising concerts to support hospitals focussed on cancer and women's health, donated money or organised benefits for victims of wildfire, flooding and hurricanes. She gave so much money to peopple in need. There were countless articles and social media posts filled with Dolly quotes, proving she was smart and funny. Her relentless humour and positivity made us all smile.
What a legacy she leaves.
Reflecting on the word legacy, I could only think of my Dad. Since he died in 2012 I've often said how sad it is that noone misses him. I don't think of him fondly and have spent the last five years unpacking his impact on me. I've written before about his anger and control issues. My psychologist said once 'I wonder what happened to your Dad to make him this person?'. When she asked that I was not in a charitable mood. I have always thought that we have choices in life. In how we behave and treat other people. His choices were
his. That is his legacy.
It's many months since that question was asked. I realised recently that I don't know what happened to my Dad in his early life. I have names of siblings and parents and scant information about them. Summed up into a statement about some of them. Died in WW2. Emigrated to Canada. Stayed in England. My granndmother cooked in a house, possibly a manor house. But none of these stories have any detail. I've met family members (in England and Canada) but somehow I've never delved into family history more deeply than these statements. I don't even have photos.
I had a moment this weekend where I felt like someone on the
Who do you think you are? tv show. How have the experiences of previous generations of family members impacted my life. I've spoken to Mum quite a bit about her childhood and parents. Being first generation Australian has meant the concept of uncles and aunties feel distant and grand parents odd strangers. The tyranny of distance has meant I have met some relatives through travel (theirs and mine) but I haven't had that regular ongoing relationship. This weekend I started digging. I want to reach out to a cousin overseas and see what family stories she can share. To flesh out the simple statements I know about people. I found a photo online of my uncle who died in WW2 and have requested his war records from the National Archive in the UK. He was 20 when he died.
I have given myself permission to delve into my Dad's family history. I want to know stories, details, and the history which shaped us. I want to see photos and wonder if I can see myself in anyone. I'm curious to understand the legacy of their lives.
In many ways I feel like I am who I am in spite of my Dad. I want to be more like Dolly and lead with kindness, acceptance and love. If you have a choice about who you are, be Dolly.
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Words to live by |
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