Sixteen

Does it seem appropriate to go on a crime walking tour for our wedding anniversary? This was the question we asked ourselves this year when looking through the Melbourne Fringe Festival program.  Of course the answer was 'yes'. In her footsteps: women, crime and justive in Melbourne was run through the National Crime & Justice Museum, and seemed like a weird fun thing to do on our wedding anniversary. 

We decided to make a day of it, booking a hotel in the city. It was a refurbished hotel recently reopened. Peter and I used to stay here when we first got together. He would come to Melbourne from regional Victoria and we would spend weekends exploring the city together. It felt like a nod to our very early beginnings. We planned somewhere for dinner and a few bars for drinks afterwards. Ticking off things we had wanted to do for ages.

And then the virus hit. I had it first and was floored by it. Alas as I began to feel vaguely human again Peter got his first symptoms. It hit him harder, as I was lucky enough to avoid the fever and chills. We abandoned plans the previous weekend in the hope of us both being well enough for our city escapade. In reality we were both upright but had limited energy. The weather was beautiful and we spent a gentle morning before heading into town. We enjoyed a delicious dinner at the Oriental Teahouse who have so many excellent vegan dishes (including apple wontons for dessert!) before meeting the tour group. Our guide asked for a volunteer lantern bearer to walk at the end of the group ensuring there were no stragglers. Of course we put our hand up when no one else did.

Lantern bearers

For two hours we walked through the city streets and laneways hearing about the darker history of Melbourne, up and down, navigating crowds on a busy friday night. In all honesty we were both exhausted by the end. Our bar crawl was reduced to a very welcome rest at the Gin Palace for a couple of drinks before we headed to the hotel to fall into bed.

A Charlie Chaplin for her, a Vesper for him

On the morning of our anniversary I had a post from the ABC in my instagram feed. It was titled 'The secret to long term relationships'. I read it smiling. It highlighted the important role friendship plays in relationships, having each others back, and having no 'change agenda'. One of the couples in the post spoke of how they liked hanging out with each other, and although they described their lives as 'vanilla' I don't think it has to be.

In the last 12 months Peter and I have been trying to get back into doing things. The stuff that makes our brains happy - gigs, galleries and theatre. We really do love hanging out together. Disecting tv shows, listening to records together, chatting about life over coffee or cocktails. We watch a LOT of true crime, and one thing struck me as I woke up the morning after our walking tour...I feel safe with Peter. He's always felt like home and as the years have passed we spend more time now checking in on each other. Seeing how our mental and physical health is tracking. As we lay on the hotel bed relieved to have our shoes off, we talked about how much we've both changed in the time we've been together. How we've grown as people and been influenced by each others support. We don't have a change agenda, but we have naturally changed as we've grown and learnt new things, reflected on the hard bits of life and appreciated having someone who cares and will listen. 

This reminds me of our wedding vows. The wonderful Jonny von Goes was our celebrant and offered non-traditional vows which spoke to us:

I love you for yourself

And want you to become all that you can be

I promise to honour and tenderly care for you

To cherish and encourage your own fullfilment as an individual

For the rest of my life

Sixteen years later I feel lucky that the vows are still ringing true. We love each other as individuals and we encourage and support each other through the hard bits. We are growing as people, but also as a couple. I feel so lucky to have married my best friend. We reminisced about those first few days of being married and how odd the words husband and wife were. New identifiers which sat oddly on us. Sixteen years later those monikers feel very precious and special. We don't take it for granted and try to nurture each other and the relationship.

Sometimes that looks like looking after each other when we are sick, changing plans when we are exhausted, and sometimes by going on a crime walk through Melbourne listening to stories of murder and executions! 

Happy anniversary Peter. We'll go on that bar crawl through Melbourne one day.

Two tired people desperate to get their shoes off