Learning to let go...
There's nothing quite like a car accident to bring the world back into perspective. No, not me. Luckily. But poor Peter. His car has been written off, but thank goodness that he is still very much with us. Apart from bruising and soreness and shock, he's ok. It is a reminder about what is important.
I'm not going to go all preachy about people being more important than possessions. Well, apart from that being true, what I actually mean is that people can, at times, focus on all the negative things that happen in life. We could be wound up about the fact that it's about 40 days until the wedding, and with everything else going on, Peter needing to sort out insurance and finding a new car, and how he's getting to work in the meantime, is just a case of the worst timing ever. But we're not.
I haven't written a post in quite a few weeks. Part of the reason is that I got some crap news a while ago. I was counting down until settlement on the house and sorting out the paperwork with the lawyers so it can be lodged with family court. We were aiming for the 26th of August, as that is when the money from the house was to be divided up and the financial burden I find myself in, was to end. But I got a phone call from the conveyancing lawyer saying there was a stuff up with the title (long story) and that the guy who bought the house would still go ahead if we could sort it out 'soon', but the worse case scenario was that it would take quite some time and the buyer would back out. On hearing this I couldn't even contemplate the worst thing. And I had the joy of telling the Ex. I just told him there would be a hold up, rather than the possible ugly truth, and crossed my fingers. Luckily, a positive phone call from the conveyancer this week meaning that we were moving forward again, and hopefully within the month, settlement can happen. But it's been a nervous few weeks.
In reality Peter and I have quite a bit on our plates at the moment. Both good and bad. And what I love is that we deal with the crappy stuff and focus on the happiness. This is how I've always wanted to live my life, but I never really knew it. I was telling Peter today that things were so different with the Ex. When stressful situations arose I was not only dealing with the situation, but also the Ex's response. So I was getting a double dose of stress. This is one of the things that ultimately did me in. Too much anxiety, just waiting for an over-reaction to anything. Life is so much simpler now. Even when I spoke to him the other day, after he rang to query something about the lawyers and began ranting about being screwed over and how he's got nothing...I just hung up on him. I was a bit agitated, but nowhere near as distraught as I once was dealing with him. Peter pointed out that perhaps it's because I've spent a lot of time processing everything that's happened, and that means I'm not the person I once was. The Ex did text me later apologising for his outburst...as the passive/aggressive behaviour continues.
It's nice to think I'm moving forward, evolving, and maybe even growing up! I am learning to let go...deal with the ups and downs that life throws at us. I know that I am lucky. I have known people who focus on the glass half empty. Things can be great, and at the first sign of a bump in the road it's all doom and gloom. Life will never be all smooth sailing, but it's how you deal with the hiccups that gets you through. I'm glad that no matter what has been thrown at me, I've always been able to get up the next day and face the world.
So, I am waiting for a new date for settlement, trying to get through work and Uni, get shoes to go with my outfit for the wedding, amongst anything else we've yet to organise. Peter has to deal with all the fall out from the car accident, find a suit to marry me in, juggle work and study and wedding things and commuting up to Melbourne each weekend to come home. We're busy and tired, but still smiling. We hold on to the stress as long as we need to...and then let it go. There are far more precious and joyous things to be focused on, like the fact that Peter is ok. Everything else will just sort itself out in time. It's been a hard lesson to learn, but a good one.
Let go of fear, stress, negativity and anxiety. And take a step towards the future. Take a deep breath and smile. Everything will be ok.