As I sit here, it is monday evening. It is five days until the wedding. FIVE! I can't believe how fast it has come around. We have most things organised, except for those bits and pieces that we can't do until the day before, or the actual wedding day. Weekends have been filled with lists of things to get, organise, remember, ask, people to meet, co-ordinate etc. It has been a hectic time indeed, especially when you throw in work and Uni on top.
But as I sit here I am calm. I was nervous and a bit stressed before, but as things get ticked off the 'to do' list, I feel the load lighten. Essays are handed in and Uni is over for another year. I am one piece of paperwork away from settlement with the Ex. And I am Zen about what this week holds.
It's actually a lovely feeling. I wasn't sure how I'd be. Last week the enormity and seriousness of marriage hit me in the face. I wobbled slightly, but more in the usual pre-wedding jitters rhelm than anything approaching panic. And at this moment, this very second, I am smiling. Beaming, in fact.
To counteract the slap in the face of the last blog entry topic, I have been struck by the loveliness of people. There have been well-wishes, cards, gifts and offers of help. I had to do something I'd been dreading today. I had to contact a friend, who I've known since high school and kinda tell her that I hadn't invited her. I went to her wedding many years ago, and I felt awful. It's the thing about a small wedding, you kind of have to be strict with yourself about the guestlist. She emailed me back and was gorgeous and understanding and full of cheer for me and Peter. People are amazing. I guess I was a little gun-shy after recent events!
We have invited dear old friends and some great new friends. We've asked along people who will dig 'our' style of wedding, which will be far from traditional. It's fun to do something conventional in a different way. All the smaller weddings I have been to have been fun. More personal, with a great sense of the couple and this special moment in their lives. I have my fingers crossed for saturday, that there will be a good vibe and people will be happy and relaxed and enjoy themselves.
I'm a bit amazed by how calm I feel. But perhaps this says a lot about the fact that I am older. I'm not a 20 year old Bridezilla (as seen on Four Weddings). I'm trying not to be so fixed in my head that things have to be a certain way, and tell myself to roll with things on the day. But I think the main reason I am so calm is that there has always been the most amazing sense of 'sureness' about Peter. It started as a gut feeling when we met, that he was a nice guy I could trust. Then as we got to know each other, it is a feeling of completeness, freedom, happiness and ease that I still pinch myself about. How did I end up here?
I'm sure the butterflies will return as the countdown turns from days to hours, but even our celebrant said we should be nervous. If you're not nervous there's something wrong with you! Such great advice. So - here goes. Life's next big adventure. And I can't wait.