Not ANY men



I look around and I don't quite know how we got here.  I can't remember it being like this before.  I've come to realise that perhaps I've lived in a blissful bubble.  There's something kind of nice and yet terribly sad about that.  You see, I don't get where all this hate towards women is coming from.

My last post commented on Eddie McGuire and Co 'joking' about drowning a female journalist.  And yet only a couple of weeks later a similar incident happened on Q&A.  Steve Price, spoke repeatedly over the top of Van Badham (calling her hysterical) and ignored the real issue they were supposed to be talking about which was domestic violence. She then proceeded to get abuse online because she spoke up.

It reminded me of the twitter abuse storm that happened when Caroline Criado-Perez dared to campaign to put Jane Austen on a bank note. Is that concept really worth rape and death threats? Similarly Clementine Ford continues her crusade screenshotting abusive messages she receives, and insights into online men's groups who 'love their daughters' but talk about the best way to 'hate fuck' their girlfriends (or girlfriends friends) to make them cry. I was going to link to this, but it seems Clementine's Facebook page has been blocked yet again.  Funny how the original posts by the guys never seem to get blocked, but Clem cops it for shining a light on the type of abusive talk and hate filled language of some men online.  I couldn't even read all the posts as they made me sick to my stomach.

There is a Facebook page 'Destroy the Joint' which keeps a tally of women killed in violent circumstances (as opposed to accidents or illness).  There's nothing quite like a growing number to raise your awareness of the prevalence of violence against woman, and why something has to be done to change attitudes such as those mentioned above.

Seriously.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  My Ex knew guys who referred to their girlfriend or wife as 'the ball and chain' or 'the handbrake', like their partners were the fun police or worse still - their Mothers.  But before anyone yells #notallmen in my direction, consider this.

I think part of the reason I find it all so shocking is that I've been contemplating most of the guys I know.  They're all...you know...normal. They don't have any problem with women speaking their minds, being assertive, being equals, rocking out or taking charge.  It's never come up in conversation because it's really a non issue. But more than that, they don't feel the need to yell 'not all men' at the top of their lungs.

Perhaps they understand that this issue isn't about them.  Maybe they know the best thing they can do is continue to support, respect and love us.  I am grateful to the men I know as they prove a very important point.  More than #notallmen, they show it's possible for #notANYmen to be abusive towards women.  Thanks guys.  If you've got any ideas how to change the sexist dinosaurs we'd love to hear from you.

And to all the wonderful strong women who I get to call friends - this is for you.  A picture of Kim Gordon being awesome.





Comments

Craig Patterson said…
Hey dude,
I really miss working with you, but it's cool for me to get to read World of Hurt - thanks for sharing.

Is it a silver lining to be able to look at Eddie, Steve, etc. and be able to ask my sons, what do you think about that? Are these good people? I don't know, maybe not, reckon we all agree it'd be a nicer world without that cloud entirely.

As a qualified "guy you know" I'm sorry to say I don't have very many ideas, and it's possibly because I'm in the bubble. There's a lot of things that seem deceptively simply to my little brain (e.g. - don't be a dick), but that get complex pretty quickly when I look at them.

I suppose a first step in some of the situations you've described could be: don't laugh. In the past when some people have told racist jokes I've asked them to explain what's funny about it - just played dumb, like, I don't get it, what's that mean? Making ignorance work for us...yeah!

Anyway, I'm not the writer you are, hope to catch you for a beer soon!
-Craig
Andy said…
Hey Craig

You are indeed one of the guys I was talking about...the good sort, obviously! I am so pleased that there are wonderful people raising the next generation of men, teaching them to be respectful of all people.

It worries me that many young men have this warped view when it comes to attacking women online. But maybe it's just that a minority have an online presence they didn't have before. This works both ways as many people have an online voice now (including me!).

I think questioning 'jokes' is brilliant. Who wants to be the person to explain why a racist or sexist joke is funny. You can't get out of that one without being a total dick.

I miss you too and hopefully there is a beer in our future. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment :)

Andy
xo

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