I love words. I love language. I'm always in awe of people who use their skills to enlighten, entertain, make us think, change our minds, give insight or make us laugh. The power of words is immense. That's why I think we need to use them carefully.
Something happened in Melbourne this week. A young woman, walking home alone at night was raped and murdered. Victoria Police came out with a statement saying women need to be 'situationally aware' for their own safety. This, not surprisingly, has lead to quite a bit of arguing through traditional and social media about whether this is victim blaming. I read the comments (yes, I know - NEVER read the comments) and men and women alike where saying that the police reminding people to stay safe is what their job is all about.
I spent a lot of time since my late teens seeing bands. I sometimes travelled there on my own. I always drove myself as this felt safer (I knew I could get home when I needed to) but this also meant parking in the back streets of Fitzroy, Brunswick or St Kilda. I'd have a couple of drinks, but as I was driving I was never drunk. Getting to my car I 'walked with purpose', keys between my fingers, alert but not quite alarmed. I had been told that if someone grabbed me, I should aim for soft targets, like ramming my fingers into their eyes, or a kick in the nuts. As a woman, from a young age you are told these things. Women share tips with each other, trying to ensure we all got the safety memo.
Leaving work in winter now it can be dark at 5pm. Walking to my car, I am aware of foot steps behind me. Especially if the pace quickens the closer they get to me. I have stopped, turned sideways and looked at my phone. Never make eye contact, but ensure you know where the approaching person is. Again, these are tips you pick up from other women about ensuring your own safety.
But how do we ensure all women can get home alive? At night you could be waiting alone for public transport for up to 20 minutes. And it doesn't drop you at your door. Taxis and Uber can be expensive, and you potentially still don't feel safe with the driver. I've heard of female only Uber style services - women drivers making sure women get home safely - but unless this can be subsedised to ensure everyone can afford it, there's still many people who will end up walking alone. This seems unlikely, as we can't even get the GST removed from women's 'luxury' items such as tampons.
So, back to language. A few years ago young men were being killed in king hit attacks. One punch ended lives. Violence fuelled by alcohol was deemed the reason, so lock out laws in Sydney were introduced. Then there was a push to change the language. 'King hit' is too noble sounding, so how about 'cowards punch'? Could language shame people into not commiting violence?
A Facebook page called 'Destroying the Joint' keeps a tally of how many women in Australia are violently killed in Australia. So far this year we have reached 30. Whether this is at the hand of someone they know or random preditors, we need to do something. And clearly being aware and trying to be safe isn't working. Could the language we use make the difference?
Jane Gilmore created a blog called #Fixedit. She posts headlines from media that have been 'fixed' to show how passively violence towards women is written about. When you read the ammended headlines you realise we are doing it all wrong. A great example of this was a murder suicice that happened last month in Margaret River WA. A man shot and killed his wife, daughter and 4 grand children before killing himself. Headlines spoke of 'his heartache' or him being a quiet man. Yes, sense may be trying to be found in an action so senseless, but perhaps we need to change the language or who it's directed at.
Shannon Martinez shared something on social media yesterday. It's an amazing post from Cameron Tyeson. Here it is to read for yourself:
I nearly cried. The police spoke of situational awareness, and this is a great example of it applying to a man. Afterall, women already got the safety memo. Next we need headlines and media to firmly put the onus on men. Insist they become responsible for their emotional and mental welbeing. This was in the comments section of an ABC news post about Eurydice Dixon's rape and murder and the backlash from women being told to stay safe. Felicity - this is perfect:
And there is the difference. The diffence that language can make. More than a cowards punch, we need men to be held accountable and reminded of what acceptable behaviour looks like. And before anyone yells #notallmen, go back and read Cameron's post again. That's what an ally looks like.
Words can change minds. Words can change contexts. Words can change culture. And considering that nothing else seems to be working to stop men from raping and killing women, I think it's a good place to start.
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