Decade

Sometimes things sneak up on you. Dates suddenly tick past and and you realise time is flying by. I had a realisation recently. It was a little gobsmacking. I've been writing this blog for ten years. Yep, and whole freaken decade of my life and thoughts and been put to words and hosted online. Holy crapballs!  How did that happen?

When I began all those years ago, I didn't really have any idea that I'd still be hitting the keyboard all these years later. I've juggled posts around life and study and work. I've posted about things I never would have thought of.  Many people have commented about how I write about quite personal things. It's true...I have.  But there have also been things a little too raw, painful and personal that I have only referred to or briefly touched on. There may be a post in the future covering this.  Time will tell, I guess.

I began not really knowing what to write about. I love non-fiction writers and have always found autobiographies interesting. Scratching the surface and finding out more about people. The humour, heart and honesty of writers like David Sedaris inspire me. Observing life, with all it's absurdities. That's what I was aiming for when I began.  And six post in I began to open up. Ironically, by writing about my battle with shyness.

But life took a bit of a turn. In fact, life got quite complicated. The break up of my 13 year relationship was traumatic for both parties and was frankly awful and at time abusive. Six months after I started writing, the blog became a space for me to have a voice. I didn't have one in the break up. I could type and process what was happening and how I felt. I never really thought anyone was reading, so it became a safe space just for me. It was a space to get the swirling thoughts out of my head, and it felt such a relief to articulate in a vaguely coherent way exactly how I felt.

I've written about lots of different things over the years.  Gigs, plays, exhibitions, politics, relationships, friendships, and processing the death of a parent I had quite a fraught relationship with. As Instagram has become a visual diary for me, this blog has documented my life. I've been sitting here thinking about how much people change over time. In a weird way that's why I quite like doing posts (like my last one) checking in and seeing where I am each year on a particular date. Seeing how things change. How I've changed. How life can get more complicated and how adulting can be fucking hard.

I do subscribe to the Amanda Fucking Palmer school of life. Be open. Be honest. Being vulnerable can be a strength. And for the most part this has rung true. I have had people send me messages after reading something that touched a nerve of their own life experience. I reached out and people reached back. That still feels amazing. Feeling connected to others is a gift, and sometimes you have to open yourself up to allow others to do the same.

About a year ago I had to make the blog private. Someone was using the information to harass Peter and I. It hurt. The blog had been my voice and they had made me silent. I still wrote.  I still posted. But I couldn't share what I was going through. After all the positive experience I'd had, this felt like a kick in the teeth. Was humanity really that shit?  It took many months (and some legal protection) but I eventually set the blog to public again. The gag was off. It made me realise how much writing had come to mean to me.

I began the blog as part of a Multimedia course I was doing. A decade later it is part of the inspiration for me to go back to study. I've enrolled in a Master of Communication (with a specialisation in digital media).  Yes, there's even a subject on blogging! This space has been my voice, but it's also a place to practice writing. When life gets busy or complicated, routine is chosen over creative outlets.  It's sad, but true. So finding something that makes me think, process, practice and verbalise is important. Playing with words is fun. It's the basis of so many 'in jokes' between Peter and I.  And maybe why lyrics, books and snappy dialogue on tv or movies are things I love. Words do have the power to change people. And by writing for ten years, I feel that words have also changed me.

I'm excited to see what is ahead. Thanks for reading x








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