Some nights change you. Experiences and thoughts anew wind their way into you. Into your collective consciousness. Mixing with your own life experiences. The experiences of your loved ones and friends. Shared stories. Empathy. Understanding. Compassion.
Last night was one of those nights. I laughed with everyone else in the audience. I also cried alone in the darkness, tears running down my cheeks and falling onto my lap. It is a gift to feel a performer connect intimately with you in such a large venue. But that is the gift of openness and vulnerability. If a performer reaches out we will touch their hand in support. If they fall we will catch them. This is the safe space Amanda Palmer created in her show 'there will be no intermission'.
Through the course of my music loving life I have heard random songs by Amanda. I've seen her on TV but mostly on youtube. When her Ted Talk 'The Art of Asking' (2013) went viral, I tuned in. She spoke of connection and exchange; of trust and vulnerability and of people helping each other. And a new way of economically supporting artists. I finally read her book of the same title in 2016, and loved it. It charted the ups and downs of her life. Trying to forge a career as an artist while also dealing with her best friend dying of cancer and juggling her own path to motherhood. She is a sharer. And perhaps this is what I admire the most.
But 'there will be no intermission' goes deeper. Stories are shared that didn't make the book. Within the first 20 minutes of the show the entire audience collectively took a sharp intake of breath at her story. Being 14 and placed in an incredibly dangerous situation, thanks to her older boyfriend - 'the corrupter'. The stories wove through teenage rebellion, seeing Cyndi Lauper on MTV and deciding that that looked like a job she wanted to do. From losing an ex boyfriend, both grand parents and her older brother within the space of months, she shared wisdom imparted by her neighbour and dear friend Anthony...if you ignore trauma it goes down into the basement and starts lifting weights. She spoke of radical compassion for all people (from murderers, to her parents and even the 19 year old Boston bomber). She also spoke of the hatred and backlash she encountered because of this.
Amanda shared stories of her abortions, and the confusion about whether to have a child. She had decided at 35 she would be old enough to know what she wanted. To have figured her shit out. My heart skipped a beat as that is exactly the pact I'd made with myself. I gave myself breathing space when I was younger, which eventually as that number approached and went by caused panic and claustrophobia. Amanda spoke of being pregnant and unsure what to do. Have it, don't have it. Her indecision and apprehension inspiring Neil Gaimen (her husband) to dub it 'Schrodinger's baby'. Hilarious.
Interspersed between stories were songs she played alone. On piano or ukulele. She gave context to many songs on her latest album, but also reinterpreted songs from Frozen! There was also a recorded sing-a-long of Midnight Oil's Beds are Burning, as a fundraiser for the Australian bushfires. And yes, Peter and I sang out loud! Amanda played a newly written song, constructed over the weekend while in Tasmania. She was told that Tassie had a 50% literacy rate, and found images that were drawn by settlers to show the indigenous population what would happen to them if they didn't comply.
Amanda spoke of surviving a miscarriage on her own. Delivering her three month old dead baby alone in a hotel room. But told the audience that education doesn't teach you these things. It tells you about contraception and staying safe and not getting pregnant. It doesn't teach you that you can have a nice abortion or survive a miscarriage on your own. That you are strong enough to get through these things. To survive and go forward to happier times.
There are so many beautifully crafted songs on her latest album. It's stylistically and lyrically inspiring. Amanda ended the night by explaining that one of my favourite songs was inspired by the comedian Bill Hicks. Life is just a ride and you can decide to get off any time that you like. She had asked her patrons what they were afraid of, and this song sums up the current state of the world; the clashing intersection between personal and political. A perfect ending to a four hour show.
'There will be no intermission' is not your average concert. It weaves personal narrative and songs. Laughter and tears. Radical compassion and life advice. Part group therapy, part pep talk. Amanda speaks with an open heart, daring us to do the same. To care for ourselves and one another. And words spoken earlier in the night are now firmly in my being. Her yoga teacher, when trying to get people to hold a difficult pose and push a little more, quietly said...if you can...you must.
No matter how difficult or hard life seems...if you can...you must.
Thank you Amanda Fucking Palmer.
I love you.
x
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