You know, I kinda thought this year would pan out differently. I'm not talking about the surprise that was a global pandemic. Rather what I thought I'd be doing during it. Writing has been a place to park my thoughts. Map my life and record the progress of time. I actually hoped to document how I navigated this unique year, but in all honesty I just couldn't look at a computer screen for one moment longer.
I'm going to confess something hilarious and a bit embarrassing. When we were told in late March to grab our stuff and prepare to work from home, I thought this would all be over in a few weeks. A month tops. I look back now and facepalm...and regret not grabbing my plants from work to take home. I'm sitting here over six months later. I have a break from work - staycationing at home - so have the headspace to log on. So what has the last six months been like?
Working from home was a novelty. We all joked that the commute was great and the casual dress code a welcome change. Watching pets zoom-bomb and weirdly seeing inside people's homes and lives gave an extra dimension to our colleagues. But it's tiring. Everything just takes longer. There's no sideways office banter or chats over coffee. No walking across campus and seeing different faces. For all the pluses of working from home, there are just as many minuses.
Peter's casual hours were reduced, and once a month we work 12 hours between us. Me 9am - 5pm, Peter 5pm - 9pm. He also works weekend shifts a couple of times a month. Throw in my uni study on top of this (although I bailed on semester 1 as there was just too much happening at work) and it's felt like so much of this year have been spent in one small room in our home. We're lucky that we can close the door on work, as many people are working from kitchen tables or having to zoom from their car as it's the only quiet place they have. Peter struggled at the beginning. He felt like work was invading our home. I was pragmatic and was just grateful to be employed. But I've since seen his sentiment described as instead of 'working from home' people feel like they're 'living at work'. In reality, there have been moments of utter exhaustion and stress without colleagues to casually debrief with. I've been lucky as people have checked in on me over the months and we've all tried to be a sympathetic ear as we've ridden the rollercoaster of emotions brought on by work, life and lockdowns. But it has felt like being on a giant treadmill with work and study dominating my life.
I've just finished my uni study for the semester and this is an enormous weight off my shoulders. I know the key to life is not to compare myself to others, but I've been envious of people who have better balance in their lives. I've been stuck looking at a computer screen much of the last six months and everything else has been a bit hard. I've watched people go for walks or cycling, working out or spending time near trees or water. I feel lucky that our 5km lockdown during stage 4 in Melbourne enabled us to still go to places we love. We've been able to keep up our regular routine of Ceres for shopping. Only impacted by limiting one person from the household able to go out for supplies. We live near Coburg Lake and the Merri Creek. At the beginning of the year we would go out for walks but with the weather heading into winter and the dark and cold setting in by the time I logged off, I just wanted to curl up in pyjamas in front of the heater.
I spent a lot of time at the beginning of lockdown cooking and baking. It was a nice to spend the extra time that I'd usually be stuck in traffic to chill out, try new recipes or cook things at a more casual pace. But when you combine cooking with being sedentary for six months there is a side effect - I'm feeling the strain of tighter pants! I saw something via social media that said 'Your body is helping you get through a pandemic. Be nice to it'. I've tried to adopt this mantra and know that things won't be like this forever. I'm hoping the warmer weather and break from study will allow for more time outside or moving my body. But there is a worry. Just walking our local streets you see an array of people wearing masks incorrectly and some not at all. I even saw people with their masks pulled down hugging the other day, while others in the group shook hands. I wanted to scream.
And this shows how utterly different our lives have become. I miss seeing family and friends. I miss the city. Theatre, galleries and even something as simple as walking into a shop to browse. I long for the 5km lockdown to be lifted, but I'm also concerned about other people's behaviour. What the pandemic has highlighted is the difference in people who act for the good of the community ('we're all in this together') versus those concerned about the personal impact and restriction on their life. Luckily the covid numbers in Victoria under stage four show that the majority of people are doing the right thing. Fingers crossed we can look forward to getting hair cuts, browsing in shops, and seeing people and other sights in the months ahead.
So what has kept me sane in the last six months? I feel so lucky that I have someone with me to give me hugs. Human touch and comforting cuddles are pretty fucking ace. I've been able to hang out with the cats every day which is also kinda cool. They are constant amusement, particularly Pepper, who has been like a little furry shadow while I work. She's curled up next to be on the bed as I type this. As much as I've missed going out, there has been some amazing online things to watch. The National Theatre in the UK was streaming plays and now my library has a subscription enabling us to watch even more. We've watched Jarvis Cocker's 'domestic disco' broadcast from his home, gigs by local bands as part of Isol-Aid. Talks with authors thanks to Readings book store (including an amazing chat with Billy Bragg - who spoke of the importance of physical distancing but being socially connected). We've watched a friend interstate compete is a spoken word competition which included an interview with the incredibly inspiring Anthony Anaxagorou. We've supported our favourite record store (shout out to Rocksteady) who posted us albums. We've made cocktails and danced around the kitchen in pyjamas. We have a weekly date every thursday listening to our favourite radio show on PBS (Fang it!) while drinking beer. And when the news cycle and the state of the world became too much, we distracted ourselves by binge watching great tv - especially RuPaul's Drag Race. Music, art, theatre, movies, tv and books have kept us sane, filled our hearts, challenged our minds and kept us smiling.
I also realised early on in lockdown that through social media I still felt connected. I do like a chat and to comment. By reaching out even through my phone from the couch I was seeing people. Watching how we all navigate this time individually. Coping in our own ways. Also knowing that everyone is on the same weird rollercoaster of emotions. As resilient as I am, there have been moments when life has just been too damn hard. I'm tired and feel a bit crap.
But that's what I've learned. We are ALL working through the whole range of emotions as the days, weeks and months tick by. There's no magic way to ensure happiness. Just coping and surviving is the goal. And if that means learning how to make margaritas and greyhound cocktails from scratch, delving into the world of vegan baking, making dumplings or korean food and switching off the news then that's just fine. Checking in on each other is paramount, while we navigate this crazy time. If anyone needs a chat...I'm here. Seriously. I can recommend music and dancing around the kitchen. Take it from Jarvis...the domestic disco is where it's at for 2020. Take care everyone x
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