"I just wanted to share with you my own personal thoughts about the very issue that brings us here together today - women". This was the beginning of a speech that our Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, presented on the 25th February 2021 at the International Women's Day Parliamentary Breakfast. As Clem Bastow pointed out on social media, and I'm paraphrasing, what a great opportunity to be reminded that you're seen as an 'issue', rather than say, a member of society or even 50.2% of the population.
Given the last few weeks in politics I'm not surprised that we are considered 'an issue' by someone who needed to consult their wife to determine that rape is bad, and has spent $200,000 on an empathy consultant. But let's not forget other highlights, like Peter Dutton's reduction of Brittany Higgins rape allegations to 'he said/she said' or Linda Reynolds calling her a 'lying cow'. Where do you even begin to unpack this parliamentary shit show?
The Australian Defence Force chief Angus Campbell also gave out advice this week to young female cadets to 'avoid the “four As”: alcohol, out after midnight, alone and attractive.' Way to read the room, mate. Statements like this just support the idea that rapists and sexual predators are monsters that lurk in the darkness. Like trap door spiders, waiting for prey to stumble across their paths. Sure, this does happen, but research is showing that increasingly the victims of sexual assault know the perpetrators.
This week I've been reflecting on my own experiences. I count myself as profoundly lucky, that there have only been two instances of inappropriate touching by strangers. Many of my friends have had much more serious experiences. In my 20s while at work I was helping show a patron where some books were (I'm a librarian). I walked between the shelves checking titles and bent over slightly to read the call numbers. The patron I was helping suddenly had is groin against my backside. I bolted upright, pointed to the books and walked quickly to the other end of the shelves and ran back behind our service desk and into the office. I told my boss I wasn't coming out until the man had left. Similarly, in my 20s catching a packed tram on the way home from work, I had a seat on the aisle. As the tram became more crowded I realised a man rubbing his groin against my shoulder. I tried to make myself smaller and move over. He too, moved closer. I froze. I didn't want to cause a scene as I was embarrassed. And it is this that allows men to get away with shit in broad daylight. They rely on women staying quiet. I'd like to think now I'd tell the jerk to move his dick before I punch him, but I just don't know. Faced with something confronting, most people freeze.
I was reminded by a friend on social media that this discussion in the press is triggering for assault survivors. The narrative played out in the press just reiterates why so few assaults are reported to police and prosecution rates are low. This is why the discussion currently playing out in the media and throughout social media and society is so important. As Australian of the Year Grace Tame pointed out in her Press Club speech last week, letting victims speak gives their power back, and a greater chance of being believed. But the trauma is real, and putting yourself in the spotlight and becoming fodder for public debate is so incredibly brave.
This brings us to Christian Porter. The man at the centre of an historical rape allegation, made more complex by the suicide of the victim last year. He is denying the allegations and doesn't think an investigation is required. He's concerned that this would destroy the rule of law, even though legal experts say otherwise.
I've been thinking all week about this. About how men in power seem to adhere to the 'stranger danger' idea of sexual assault. They don't identify as monsters lurking under cover of the night. What they fail to consider in all of this is what assault looks like to the victim. They seem to have forgotten the role that consent and coercion play. Is it possible that a 17 year old male believed the bullshit rhetoric that when a girl says no she actually means yes? She's just playing hard to get or doesn't want to be seen as a slut. She just needs convincing. Just because a woman doesn't scream or fight, assault can still happen. A natural human reaction to trauma is freezing. Similarly it can take years for victims to process what happened or be brave enough to come forward. This is why rape myths need to be busted. Because in reality, unless you really pay attention and constantly check in regarding consent, a young, promising, privileged guy from a private school, born into wealth...might actually have raped someone.
We need to change the conversation. Update the narrative. Stop blaming the victim, telling them to be more careful, don't get drunk or go out alone. Perhaps we should be focussing on what consent actually looks like. The best advice we should be discussing is to not fucking rape someone! Most people I know are sick and tired of how victims are being treated. About the lack of justice and prosecution. About how the system is failing traumatised people. About the impact trauma has on people for the rest of their lives. Hey politicians - learn to read the room. This could be a defining moment of change. A chance to actually lead. But instead, everyone is rallying behind power and privilege.
Women are a sick and tired of being statistics. From domestic violence to sexual assault, Australia needs to do better. If women are an 'issue' than perhaps it's time to understand that the heart of the issue is broken. What will it take to change the system? How long do we have to wait? If this isn't a watershed moment for politicians, perhaps it can be for us. #metoo became a galvanising catch cry for victims and allies. If we buck the trend of staying quiet, of freezing in the face of confrontation, we can keep up the pressure for change. Because if not now, I don't know what it's going to take.
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