The people of Victoria are taking their first tentative steps out of yet another lockdown. Melbourne's steps are smaller and more cautious than regional parts of the state. And although we know, somewhere in the deep recesses of our minds that this is the new 'COVID normal', this short lockdown seems to have taken a real mental toll on everyone.
We know this is the best way to stop the spread of new, more aggressive strains of the virus, yet every person I speak to is dealing with their own battle. It feels harder than before. It feels like we're collectively on the ground being kicked while we're down. Even though relief packages are given out, I'm hearing more voices talking of how they don't qualify for support. From small businesses to individual circumstances. The harsh reality of life seems in sharp focus this time.
At first I thought I was travelling ok. I'd realised that for the last 2 months I'd essentially put myself in lockdown, focussed on my uni assignments and juggling full time work. The only way to get through it was to make sure every weekend was spent studying, reading, writing, recording and editing (I was doing a media subject). Faced with these tasks outside my comfort zone, I spent a lot of time working through ideas and researching. It's also why I haven't written in this blog for months, as I had to start a new blog elsewhere. But dealing with my discomfort also had rewards. I managed to have fun editing and writing and get really good marks.
So when I'd submitted my final assignment for the semester and was ready to see people, we were back in another lockdown! I feel lucky, as this year I was able to go out and do something special for my birthday - seeing Meow Meow with the MSO. I'd also spent time with friends, got my hair cut and seen a comedy show. All without wearing a cloth mask on my face. Things felt weirdly normal. I was back on site at work, restrictions were being eased and we weren't obsessively tuning in for daily case numbers. We were planning to get vaccinated once Uni had finished, in case I had any side effects.
And then...BAM. Back into old learned behaviours from 2020. In all honesty, I began 2021 still feeling exhausted. Tired both mentally and physically. Trying to be kind to myself about the 'COVID kilos' added to my body, realising this is what it was taking to get me through a pandemic. But why does this time seem harder for everyone?
I'd been contemplating the impact of a year being hyper-vigilant and wondered if this explained the exhaustion I felt. A friend shared something on social media and it really hit home. This New York Times article hit the nail on the head. It gave a name to how were are all feeling. The dominant emotion of 2021 is languishing. "Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield". Everything about this resonated and what was discussed in the article also explained why sometimes I felt like I was coping, while other moments I wasn't.
Clementine Ford also wrote something that was a good reminder. We are living through a moment is history. These are unprecedented times, and in years to come, how we lived through and responded to this global pandemic will be studied as part of history. Like world wars, the plague or the Spanish flu, we are living during a defining time. If we are able to step back from our own life for a moment to contemplate the bigger picture, it could be comforting. Life is hard, but perhaps we can take solace that others have lived through equally challenging times.
I've realised recently, one thing I've struggled with is my own expectation of how long this would last. That may sound stupid or naive, but I don't remember anyone discussing how COVID would impact our way of life for the next 2-5 years. We all focussed on lockdown case numbers and vaccine production and rollout. Hotel quarantine seemed like a good idea as this thing just needed to be beaten until everyone was vaccinated and then life would be back to normal. Eighteen months down the track, we are only now discussing purpose built quarantine stations and vaccination passports. It feels like all the talk was about a sprint rather than a marathon. Was I the only one who missed experts discussing how life will continue to be impacted by this virus for years to come? How we'd be battling new strains and variants, while hoping the vaccines will give us some aspect of normal life? Was I out of the room when that press conference happened?
I laugh now as I remember grabbing my work computer to take home in March 2020, thinking this would all blow over in a month or so. Actually, I thought I'd be back on site in a few weeks. I know I'm not alone and smirk in hindsight at these hilarious thoughts. But maybe part of learning to cope with our current situation is understanding the long impact. Placing ourselves in a moment in history and learn to understand that languishing is right on track for the go-to vibe of 2021. The struggle is real, but we are not alone. Everyone is having a hard time one way or another and we just need to understand this is how defining historical moments feel.
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