The same but different. This is how I've always described Peter and I. We are on the same page, but express it differently. From the moment we met we were able to look across a room at each other and know what the other was thinking. Like a telepathic 'in joke', a subtle raised eyebrow or a sly smile meant we were thinking the same thing. I've never experienced a relationship like this.
Yesterday we celebrated our eleventh wedding anniversary. It was our second celebrated during lockdowns in Melbourne, but this year we had the added complexity of my enforced 14 isolation, due to crossing paths with a COVID positive case at work during the week. Luckily, we both received negative results on saturday morning. This means Peter can go outside for shopping, but I have to wait out the full fourteen days. Even though we couldn't travel far in lockdown we had hoped to do something for our anniversary. Although initially shocked and annoyed at the isolation order throwing a massive spanner in the works, we chatted on friday night about how we expect this to happen more frequently as we begin to reopen and 'live with COVID'. Peter commented on what life had thrown at us over our years together. There have been some really fucking hard moments, but ultimately through this, we have learned resilience. Together.
The last twelve months have been a roller coaster. Like so many people, we had hoped that the hardship and challenges of 2020 would not continue into 2021. But here we are in October wondering where the year has gone. I described this recently to a friend, that our lives are filled with endless days marking time in non-years. Time has felt more of a blur, as the enthusiasm and coping strategies of 2020 feel tired in 2021. So perhaps learned resilience is a good skill to have right now.
In the last year I have watched Peter confront his complex past. I know how difficult this is for him. But in doing so I am so incredibly proud of him. Information about his adopted past was held so tightly and uncomfortably. Confronting this trauma has weirdly brought us closer together. I've often joked that my specialty subject (should there be a relevant quiz show) would be the inner workings of his mind. But his search for answers to his past has given me a new depth of understanding and appreciation of how deeply this impacts him.
The last 12 months haven't been easy. Life feels on hold, like we're treading water. I have the tiring routine of work and study. But Peter's insecure work situation and the impact of lockdowns on his support systems (visiting psychologists) means we've had vastly different experiences. He has days alone with time to fill and I never feel like I have time for myself. Luckily, some things, like lunches together or saturday night pizza and cocktails with kitchen dancing have helped. I commented recently that even though we've spent so much time inside the same small home, my work and study means we haven't spent a lot of time together. Which seems so strange as we haven't ventured very far from each other.
We were searching for ways to make yet another night at home feel special. It's nice to have something to celebrate. After trawling lots of local vegan resturant websites we laughed as they changed their menus for October. The three options we'd ear marked had all suddenly filled their menus with mushrooms! Something else both Peter and I have in common is a hatred of mushrooms. Trying not to feel disheartened, I suggested looking at Maha. It's been on my wish list of places I'd love to visit for years. They delivered an incredible vegan soufra menu with so much food we have lunch and dinner covered for Sunday too. We also had a bottle of fancy champagne gifted to us by Peter's cousin Daryl, who recently moved into the area. He doesn't really drink champagne, but we do. It was a night of great tunes and great food, followed by watching High Society. We're on a lockdown classic movie binge at the moment. I have felt lucky that I am in lockdown with someone I really like as a person. We chat about life, dissect movies, books, music and tv together. Just a few nights ago we were joking around and laughed so hard we were both in tears and gasping for air.
I noticed my wedding ring recently. Seeing these small silver bands connecting Peter and I has always felt important. Made by a local jeweller, they had leaf prints pressed into the metal. Showing veins of the leaves, they were unique yet similar. The same but different. They always felt like us. But as I looked at my ring I realised how over years of wear and tear, the metal was becoming smooth. The leaf veins were still there but were less prominent. I love a metaphor. And as I sit here looking at the ring on my left hand, I smiled at how the wear and tear had made is seem shinier. The past eleven years has made it gleam. Is it possible that hardship makes something more beautiful?
As I face being stuck inside in isolation, I'm glad I'm doing it with someone so dear to me. Who talks about interesting things, gives excellent hugs and laughs at my ridiculous jokes. Thanks for being an excellent iso buddy Peter. And thanks for marrying me.
Comments