2022...what the fuck was all that about? We all have particular years where things seem to go wrong. Are harder. The planets are ill-aligned and something is in retrograde. Whatever that means. 2022 was one of those years. Most people I know struggled with exhaustion. After almost two whole years of stepping in and out of lockdowns, 2022 was meant to be the 'returning to normal' year. But so many conversations I had with friends focussed on burnout. Although I was happy to be back on site at work full time, I wasn't prepared for the sheer tiredness I felt.
And then it all began in January. Peter's Dad collapsed and was rushed to hospital. After a day or two there, the doctors realised that what was required was beyond what a regional hospital could cope with. So he was flown to a larger hostipal in Melbourne. As this was during a 'code brown' (hospitals at capacity and not allowing visitors due to COVID), Peter was spending time on the phone to various people, continually discussing the 'do not resuscitate' order his Dad had in place. Luckily he survived the surgery to remove his gall bladder and discussions of sepsis began. Needing to free up beds they transported him home sooner than we hoped. Peter bolted to regional Victoria to help look after his Dad as he arrived home. It wasn't long before they realised that he needed more care and ended up back in the local hospital. Over a fortnight later (which included his birthday) Peter arrived home. He spent the next 10 months battling with his Dad's aged care provider who was falling short on everything that we needed to help support his Dad. It's been a nightmare to deal with, and the distance complicating things.
Then a dear friend of ours let us know he was having tests. It was later confirmed he had a cancerous tumor in his neck and it was stage 4. He was temporarily moved to Melbourne (from regional Victoria) to be close to the treating hospital. 12 weeks of 5 days a week radiation therapy. Peter tried to help by going with his friend to the appointments a couple of times a week when he wasn't working. We also helped him get around the CBD when he needed things like clothes (his clothes no longer fit due to the rapid weight loss as he struggled to eat). Peter watched his friend fade away, and saw the pain he experienced. It was a hard slog and recovery is taking it's time, but the incredible news is that recently he was told the tumor is gone. It's a miracle. But the road ahead is slow as his body recovers from the treatment.
Then in June, Pepper (one of our cats) fell off the balustrade inside our home. We've feared this for years, as she climbs up and runs along the round wooden beam. We live in a small two story townhouse, and the ground floor is polished concrete. And at around 9.30 one night she used up one of her nine lives. After the fall she hid under our bed and kept moving just out of my reach. At least she was moving. In the morning I found her upstairs cowering under a bookshelf. She ate food from my hand but wouldn't come out. Early the next morning I took her to the emergency vet, where Pepper proceeded to walk around the surgery floor! They checked her over and gave me pain killers. Returning home she refused to move from the chair in the living room and stopped eating. Another emergency vet visit, followed by an appointment with my local vet - who x-rayed her. We discovered she has dislodged a bone in her tail (nothing fractured or broken thankfully, just not where it should be!). More painkillers, a pet crate to keep her enclosed, safe and limit her movement. It took two weeks for her to show any signs of her old self. Her tail dragged behind her on the ground, but still had circulation. It took months for her to recover and her tail is once again off the ground and her regular smoochy self has returned. She's only been up on the balustrade a couple of times since!
In the depths of winter I got bronchitis...twice. The doctor gave me time off to rest and some medication to help with my cough and breathing. I'd also had a problem with my hip, and after visits to the Chiro, the GP and scans we found I had piriformis syndrome (essentially an inflamation in my hip joint which causes pain). The meds for my bronchitis, along with rest also helped my hip! What I discovered much later was that they were strong steroids which make you put on weight. The last thing I needed was for my clothes to stop fitting! I'm still struggling with this.
Then in October Peter began having severe pain at around 11pm one night.We waited and then at midnight called the ambulance. As he was conscious and not bleeding we were put through to a nurse. She could hear him groaning in pain in the background. At around 2.20am the ambulance arrived and Peter was taken to hospital. It was his pesky gall bladder. He waited over 24 hours in the ward and then suddenly felt really unwell. The surgeon found that his gall bladder had actually burst! This made the keyhole surgery more complicated, and the gall bladder essentially fell apart inside him, with sections showing signs of necrosis. He also had a bacterial infection thanks to the bile throughtout his body. Five days in hospital, a ton of antibiotics and he could finally come home. Just in time for our wedding anniversary. Recovery from this has also been slow.
Throw in some general work burnout and the existential crisis I had about study (see previous post) and it's been a bit of a full on year.
But December was different. Ages ago we'd booked tickets to see gigs. Then some other shows were announced which we didn't want to miss out on. Somehow this meant I would be going to see four shows in eight days. It was like I was in my 20s again! I'd taken a couple of days off around one of the weekday gigs. This also coincided with Peter's casuals hours being reduced of summer. What I ended up with was four really diverse experiences. Lisa Miller - local singer songwriter with an alt country bent preforming one of my favurite albums. The Comet is Coming (UK) - electronic dance music with a hint of afro jazz. Dry Cleaning (UK) - indie post punk. The Crystal Method (US) - electronic dance music. Yes I was tired, but my brain was buzzing. I felt exhilarated by these musical experiences. The Comet is Coming, in particular, was one of the greatest live gigs I've ever been to. Mind blowing. My body was tired, my feet were sore but my heart was full.
Chatting to someone at work, I said 'sometimes you need to do dumb fun shit'. Over the previous months I had rested, but still felt so very tired. I'd forgotten how important it is to recharge. Do things that refill the empty cup we've had for the last couple of years. As I watched colleagues hit the wall in the countdown to the Christmas closure, I was fuelled by fun times.
It reminds me of the article 7 Types of Rest which acted as a good reminder in 2021. But I saw a few things via social media at the end of 2022 about the importance of rest AND recharge. Whether it's walking in forests, looking at the ocean, watching live music or spending time with people and/or animals you love - it's time to fill up your fun things deficit. The last few years have been such a hard time and the 'new normal' continues to drain our batteries.
Usually at the beginning of each year, I reflect on the last 12 months, turning the page for a new chapter yet to be written. I love the possibility and hopefulness for better times ahead. An easier journey ahead than the steps which proceeded it. I'm forever the optimist. But for 2023, what I've learned from 2022 is the importance of dumb fun shit. Losing yourself in music. Moving your body in a crowd and not caring. Pinching yourself that you are witnessing something great. Lighting fireworks inside your brain and body.
I'm back at work tomorrow and feeling tired at the thought of it. But I have lots of dumb fun shit to look forward to this year. Things to make my face ache from smiling and recharge me. Here we go 2023. Let's be having you.
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