I recently got two new tattoos. They're the realisation of an idea I had a while ago, plus a lot of waiting for the perfect tattooist to be available. Inspired by the incredible and under-rated guitarist from The Cramps, Poison Ivy Rorschach, the tattoos are pin up girls, one on the back of each calf. I simply love them.
Chatting to a friend online, I commented that they make me feel more like me. As I wrote this I smiled to myself. I got my first tattoo when I was in my early 20s. A gift from the aforementioned friend. A small purple rose near my ankle. Flash art from the days before the internet and instagram. My then boyfriend hated it. A few years later I got a matching purple rose with some tribal blackwork around it on my shoulderblade. Peak nineties. Another flash job. Third was a celtic inspired design on my lower back. I found the design in a book on tattoos I'd borrowed from a library. My second boyfriend thought I was brave and gutsy for getting it. He accompanied me while I had it done and he bought me a beer afterwards.
The first two tatts began to fade over the years. And although I still really loved tattoos, I didn't necessarily love these, and the designs didn't have a lot of sentimental meaning for me. I wanted to do something about them but wasn't sure what. So then there was a very, very long time between tattoos.
Enter Peter. We'd been together a few years and began following lots of tattooists on Instagram. He was a 'clean skin' but keen to get inked. In 2013 we made a booking to go together. Peter got his first tattoo and I got a quote from Hamlet, near my elbow crease 'to thine own self be true'. A reminder not to make myself small, or to do things even if someone else doesn't like it.
Peter then gave me a voucher for Chapel Tattoo as a present. Inspired by an Angelique Houtkamp print we have, I got Jaclyn Rehe to design two intertwined hands in front of a heart. She added forget-me-not flowers and I asked for the scroll to say 'never let go'. Peter and I had promised to keep hold of each others hands through all the ups and downs of life. But again, this was also a reminder to not let go of being myself. I'd never really considered getting a large colourful tattoo on my arm before. In fact, over the years with weight fluctuations I had become quite self conscious about my upper arms. The large expanse of flesh they had become. It took about 2 1/2 hours and I just loved this tattoo so much, as bits of it poked out from the bottom of my tshirt sleeve. It also drew my eye away from the size of my arm to focus on the design. It made me feel different about my arm and wearing short sleeves.
I then searched Instagram for more female tattooists. I found Zoe Wisdom and had a consultation about a cover up of the first tattoo. I sent her cat designs I liked and she hid the old tattoo in the tortoiseshell colours based on my cat Fin. A few years later I had a consult with Crispy Lennox regarding the coverup on my shoulderblade. He said the tattoo was so faded it would be easy to cover. I wanted a portrait of Fin's sister Bella, done in a realist style. The design had Bella surrounded by daisies. It took 4 hours and at 3 1/2 I really began to struggle with the pain. Peter held my hand and I pushed through. I got this tattoo in April and Bella unfortunately was diagnoses with cancer later that year. She was my heart in tiny fur form and I was devastated when she died. Fin died a few years later, and I'm thankful to have reminders of them with me always.
Seeing how my arm tattoo had made me feel about wearing short sleeves, I wanted to get something on the other arm. I had a somewhat crazy idea. A lot of librarians have tattoos and as I'd worked in libraries for over 30 years, I wanted to make a statement about their importance to me, as safe, inclusive spaces, where people can get access to information for free.
The incredible artistic style of Brittany Kilsby caught me eye. She worked in a local all female tattoo palour. The space had such a different feel to other tattoo spaces. I met with Brittany, giving her reference images and explained that I wanted a mash up of Rosie the Riveter and a shushing librarian. The reference image looks like it's taken from a book illustration from the 40s. She designed something so incredibly beautiful it was beyond my dreams. The shading is worthy of a painting. It took over 3 1/2 hours and I was beginning to fade a little at the end. But again, she has changed how I feel about a part of my body I have disliked for a number of years.
Last year I saw cat cartoons turned into tattoos (thanks Cat.oons and Tattoocute on instagram). One was a cat cutting another cat's hair. I sent it to my hairdresser, who is also a friend. She responded with 'you and me should get these'. A month later we had done it! Matchy cartoon cat tattoos, bonding us forever. Mine is a cat laying back in grass, surrounded by flowers, sunglasses and reading book called Happiness. It's silly and cute and a reminder to have fun.
Later that year while I was home working on a Uni assignment, I saw that a female tattooist I'd loved for years finally had her books open. I have many of Clare Clarity's art prints, a panther brooch and tshirts she designed for our favourite local cafe. My heart pounded at the thought of getting her to do my pin up Ivys. I contacted her and she loved the idea. That was December and finally at the end of Feb and early March, I got the tattoos a week apart. They're larger than I had originally imagined, but the designs are exactly what I'd hoped and more.
Chatting to Clare I discussed the other tattoos I had including the cover ups. I showed her the lower back tattoo from my late 20s. It's been on the hit list for a cover up too. She said it was in great condition and if she saw me with it on the street, she'd think 'wow, she's been getting tattoos for years! She's cool'. I laughed, replying she was making me rethink my relationship with that tattoo. I've gotten more tattoos in my 40s and 50s than I did in my 20s and 30s. These later designs are large, colourful works which I love. They are beginning to peak out from behind my clothing, instead of being mostly hidden.
I chatteed to Clare about music, gigs, playing guitar (she's taking lessons after putting down her guitar for many years), confidence (a struggle so many women have, even if they look confident to the outside world) and how tattoos can change how you feel about your body. I said I'd been self conscious about my thighs my whole life, and I was beginning to consider thigh tattoos. She laughed, saying yeah it's great to just blast designs over cellulite and not care anymore.
There are a number of women in my workplace who have tattoos. One of them has a lot of tattoos over her arms, legs and most recently her back. They are all black (no colour) and range from William Morris style florals to a large local fern frond covering her whole back. I asked her what tattoos meant to her. Being tiny (around 5 foot) she said they allowed her to take up space. It was such a simple but hugely powerful and articulate description.
I had been joking that perhaps I was having a mid-life crisis. My hair colour is quite distinctive now. It's two tone, aburn red on top and blonde undeneath to 'lean into' the march of grey hair. I get a lot of positive comments on it, but it does feel weird to stand out after decades of fading into the background. My tattoos are another way of stepping out from the shadows. Owning my space in the world. Accepting my body with it's lumps, bumps, scars and scratches. Showing the world a side of me through the aesthetic of the designs.
I have more planned in the months and years ahead. I hope to continue to keep making me feel more like me.
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