'If we can get tickets, we'll go'. This was the wonderfully bonkers idea Peter had for our fifteenth wedding anniversary. One of our favourite performers Meow Meow was performing in Sydney at the Belvoir Theatre the week of our anniversary. Yes, we already had tickets to see the same show at the Malthouse Theatre in Melbourne in November. But after the year we've had, if felt nice to do something celebratory and spontaneous.
Since our last anniversary things got harder. Peter's Dad's health declined and with that his personality seemed to change and his cognition went out the window. The presure of this was like a vise slowly turning. Peter had to navigate this on his own, trying to juggle looking after his dad, and work, and his own life. That last one mostly got put on hold. And I was trying my best to help Peter stay upright. At one point I thought we were all going to break from the stress and strain of it. Looking back, you can see the closer his Dad got to dying the harder it was to deal with who he became. When he died, the vise was released, but the exhuastion lingered for months. Most weekends we could hardly get off the couch. Everything seemed like such a huge effort.
We bunkered down, tried to get back to basics with rest, eating well and finding things that were easy to do. We went for small walks around the neighbourhood, and started going to the local farmer's market. We embraced gentle routines which made us move but weren't too taxing physically or mentally. Slowly but surely, after many months we began to feel like we were approaching our old selves. We could look forward to things. Plan for the future.
With that in mind, Peter secured us tickets to Meow Meow. It also meant we could plan a holiday. Although I've taken leave, we haven't had a 'holiday' that didn't involve visiting an aging parent or staycationing at home, in around eight years. Even when we'd organise to do things together in Melbourne, plans went out the window if Peter's Dad was unwell. In the last couple of years we've both spent birthday's apart from each other. But finally...we could focus on the future.
We originally planned to go for five days, and found accomodation in a studio apartment in someone's backyard. But as the trip came closer, Peter again had a spontaneous idea to go to Sydney a day earlier. He booked one night in a fancy hotel, and then found a nearby super swanky vegan restuarant. We each had a list of things we wanted to do, and the day before our flights we made an itinerary.
We proceeded to have the most amazing time. We walked kilometres every day, visited multiple galleries, an indie record store, ate some really great vegan food, and went on a whale watching trip (which was a birthday gift from Peter and something I'd always wanted to do). Each day we came home exhausted and happy. We really began to feel like our old selves - inspired by seeing interesting things. We had a spring in our tired and blistered feet.
On Thursday night we saw Meow Meow. We dressed up, drank cocktails and spotted celebrities at the theatre. The show was based on The Red Shoes by Hans Christian Andersen. But in true Meow Meow style, mixed with a narrative about the looming disintegration of society and the impact of climate change...with singing and humour. The last song of the show turns everything on it's head. A song about the importance of love and how this above all else will help us get through anything. It's what brings people together, and creates community and care. That in the face of hardship or despair...love will always be a path forward. I had a lump in my throat.
That moment summed up the last twelve months in particular. Peter and I have often said that through all the awfulness and stress, it simply meant we clung tighter to each others hand. That the calm in the storm could be found within a hug. That when external hardships were at their most acute, we were united and looked after each other. Reaching fifteen married years together felt like something huge to celebrate. We felt closer than ever and knew we had each other's back. I feel so lucky to have married my best friend, who makes me laugh endlessly. And who has crazy ideas which drag me from my tired rut and makes me think bigger things are possible. We're also two people commited to working through the complexity of our childhoods with professional help, and support each other to navigate the hard stuff.
After a great six days in Sydney we were packing for the airport. Suddenly we got a call from the cattery to let us know that one of our cats (Callie) was rushed to an emergency vet. On arriving back in Melbourne things got worse. You can read the previous post for the details. But we went from having an incredible holiday to being grief stricken for days. The shock of suddenly losing a beloved furry family member knocked us sideways. But once again we found support in each others arms and held each other through tears.
I feel this summed up life really. Rather than waiting for things to 'settle down and go back to normal' after the last couple of years of stress, life really is unpredictable and filled with ups and downs. I'm glad we've been able to take a moment to celebrate and be filled with joy. But also that we have supported each other through the most incredibly difficult moments when our hearts are breaking and filled with loss. Through it all, love is the path forward.
I'm so very grateful we met Peter. Thanks for being my person, and thanks for marrying me. I love you. Happy Fifteenth!
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