Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Other Me

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

Can you believe that I had to make an avatar of myself for work!? I must say it was kind of fun to have to create myself in my own image. This of course all ties in with how I see myself and also wondering how others see me. So here I am - nature loving, jungle girl in bowling shoes. Sometimes it's nice not to over-analyse things and just have a bit of fun. So that's why I'm sharing the other me - with you. As life should be just about fun sometimes.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Sparrow


I bought this wonderful necklace from the St Kilda market. It's an italian stamp - which has a picture of a sparrow on it. I love that the italians thought to put such a bird on a stamp. I have always really liked sparrows and weirdly felt some bond with them.

I was joking one day with my boyfriend that my nose is a little bit like a sparrow beak - and from that moment on I became Queen of all Sparrows. When we are out and about and we see sparrows, we say that it's a crack security squad watching out for their Queen. Silly, I know, but very amusing to us.

One of the things I like most about sparrows is that no-one seems to notice them. They're not flashy or colourful. In fact I often call them 'fieldmice of the sky'.  Yet what I find most interesting is that when you do take the time to watch them, they are full of character.  Highly social, occasionally cranky, and individual.  Although they may look to most people like 'LBJ's - Little Brown Jobs as someone once wrote in a birdwatching book, they are quite beautiful. 
 
Perhaps this is why I feel an affinity with them.  Most people blend into the background, and perhaps it's only when you take the time to notice them or get to know them that their character and individuality stands out.  When I put on my necklace I am reminded of my kindred spirits.  But also it reminds me to look deeper than the surface.  To try to see more than just 2 dimensions.  People too, I have found become more, or for that matter less attractive when you get to know their personality.  There are always people who enter a room and make an impact, and then there are those of us standing in corners feeling more comfortable blending in.  

Perhaps I have more in common with sparrows than I thought.  

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Is everything old new again?


I'm disappointed that I haven't had time to write lately.  I have been busily working on a huge project at work and I also started Uni.  Hmm....it's taken a little while to get my head around what I'm doing and who knows if I am on the right track there with my writing?  I guess I'll find out when I get my essays back!

But as I mentioned, I've been involved in a huge all consuming project at work.  It has taken months and months of planning and long hours but we finally pulled it off.  The library where I work was turning 50, and I was part of a team curating an exhibition and producing a website with an online memoryboard.  Sounds fun, huh?  Well - it was, but also exhausting.  We had a party to launch the exhibition and salute the library.  This involved inviting VIPs, guest speakers and ex and current staff.  In all, over 200 people had rsvp'd.  

For laughs some of us tried to dress inspired by the time the library opened - 1959.  I'm afraid I don't really conform to 1950s-dom, so opted to be inspired by some of the early student photos we found from 1964.  Much more me.  I ransacked boxes which housed my old clothes and it felt like visiting old friends.  I was an avid op-shopper and market raider in my 20's.  However - disappointingly - I don't have the same body I did in my 20's.  But some colleagues borrowed bits and I wore a great necklace which wreaked of 60's design.

Heavy black eyeliner, false eyelashes, pale lipstick and a slight hint of a bouffant hairdo - and I was good to go.  As we walked towards to party, nerves consumed me.  We had worked so hard for so long for this moment.  The thought of the library being filled with so many people completely threw me.  I realised I was walking along, head down, trying to compose myself.  My dear colleague and friend Morfia stopped me seconds before we met the crowd.  She looked into my eyes and said 'you are not the person you were when you wore these clothes'.  I was floored.

It was true.  Sometimes the shy kid comes back to haunt me when I least expect it.  It must seem weird to some, that the person in quasi-fancy dress is completely bricking it inside.  But there is the complex part of being human.  It feels sometimes like no matter what I do or achieve, the insecure part of me is always there.  It is an eternal struggle.  I wonder what it will take to change this - or is this forever branded part of my character?  We all have moments when we drop our head and fear we are not good enough.  But luckily I have wonderful people around me who will stop me and make me realise how far I have come.  Thanks Morf.  So here's a photo I took of myself on the night.  Head up.  Looking forward.  Smiling at the world.  Now - I need a good lie down.