Clean Slate

I don't know about you...but I can't wait to see the back of 2012.  Overall, it's been quite a terrible and shitful year.  Sure it wasn't all bad.  There were some cracking moments, and it's nice to look back at those and smile.  But overall, it's been a fucker.

I know I'm not alone.  2012 seems to have been filled with illness, death and hardship for almost everyone I have spoken to.  Friends, family and acquaintances alike, everyone seems to have war wounds thanks to the last 12 months.

So here I sit, on the eve of a new year with my fingers crossed.  I'm hoping 2013 is a much better year for everyone.  It doesn't have to be brilliant.  It doesn't have to be amazing.  I think most of us would settle for something beige and uneventful.  In fact, when talking to a friend recently, we decided that 2013 - the year of 'not-shit' would do us.  Honestly, just simple contented happiness is all we're asking for.  Maybe even happiness is asking a bit much, all things considered.  Look, I'll happily have 12 months of average, thanks very much.

So in thinking about what I'd like the not too distant future to hold, I realised recently that I need a bit more time for me.  This year has been about other people and external things like work and study.  I think I need to look after myself a bit.  I could be a bit healthier (understatement!), and I could do with finding time for inspiring things.  Stuff that nourishes who I am.  A simple bit of fun.

I've been lucky in that, even in the darkest moments of 2012, I have found moments of brevity.  I can always find black humour and laugh whilst crying.  I'm lucky that I have someone in Peter, who shares that same headspace.  But I guess recently I have had some quite nice moments, and that's made me think.  Something as simple as driving home at night on a balmy evening with with car windows down, a breeze rushing past me, singing along to great music and looking at the christmas lights lining the streets can seem like an incredibly special thing.  Joy in the moment.

I think I've been so worried about life, or thinking about stuff that has to be done, my brain hasn't had any calm space for a number of months now.  And maybe that's my resolution for 2013.  I know the ticking over of a clock from 12pm 2012 to 12:01 2013 won't make a difference in the scheme of things.  But I do like the symbolism of a new year.  The shedding of what was, and the promise of what can be.  New years always feel like a clean slate.

So 2012 - good bye from me.  You've been an arse of a year.  But those of us who survived you are stronger for doing so, and hopefully a bit wiser too.  Here's to 2013 - a lucky 13 I'm hoping.  I wish you all a safe and happy celebration.  May your new year find you happy and with those who love you.  So here's to a clean slate and perhaps a year of 'not shit'.  Fingers crossed.


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