Lots of conversations have filled my head in the last few weeks. Some of them have been confronting, and challenged how I see things. A new perspective was revealed. It's not often in life this happens multiple times in a week. Interestingly it all coincided with events around International Women's Day.
A friend and I attend at talk at ACCA, supporting the wonderful exhibition 'Unfinished Business: Perspectives on art and feminism'. The talk - 'Don't tell me to smile: Blak feminism and intersectionality'. I've always considered myself a feminist, even back in my 20s when it felt difficult to say the word out loud. There were always connotations associated with it. But in basic terms I always believed that men and women were equal. Getting older, I've begun to look further than my own place in the world. And I'm not ashamed to admit that the word 'intersectionality' has only been part of my vocabulary in the last year or two...thanks to a friend. Listening to the speakers I realised a number of things. How complex it can be when you are navigating life from a more marginalised perspective. How there can be layers such as sexual orientation, class, race, age, gender identity, disability etc that all add to how the world both sees and treats you.
The speakers, a mix of white and first nation women, talked of the challenges faced particularly by black women. How they find themselves at times making well-meaning white people uncomfortable. Sometimes even when you are trying to be inclusive it can seem like tokenism or box ticking. When asked how people can be the most helpful in this space the answer was simple. Speak up. If you hear racism, homophobia or sexism, to be a good ally you need to call it out. Even if this means making people (colleagues, friends, family, strangers) uncomfortable.
The other way to help: Listen. Sometimes it's better to just shut up. Let someone else speak. Someone's voice who isn't heard as much, due to being part of a marginalised group. We also shouldn't expect people to have to be 'the representative' or a spokesperson for their minority. Everybody's experience is unique. That's the thing about diversity. Perhaps we should try to listen to many individual voices and allow this to inform our opinions.
Some of the conversations were really challanging to hear. And at times I became aware of the my place as a white woman. But people need to be challenged. People need to think about their own place in the world, but consciously consider those different to ourselves. Maybe the best way to better understand other people is to really listen and be part of diffucult and uncomfortable conversations. My head was buzzing all night on the way home.
The following night I was lucky enough to win tickets to PBS FM's Fang It! special International Women's Day gig featuring local bands - consisting of all women musicians. Some of the bands songs focus on the world from a female perspective and well, basically doing their bit to smash the patriarchy. Surrounded by women musicians, and many, many women in the audience of all ages, I felt particularly bouyed. There does seem to be something in the air and women's voices are looming large in the wake of #metoo.
A friend messaged me the following day, telling me about their friend who had been sexually assaulted. When the woman told the female friends of the perpertrator, they believed him and not her. Again it made me think that sometimes we might be presented with information that challenges us. Information we find hard to believe about someone we know. Information that makes us extremely uncomfortable. Noone wants to think they are friends with a sex-pest or rapist. But we have to be able to look difficult information in the eye, and reconsider what we think we know. No matter how hard that is. These issues are too important for us to look away. Again, I thought, we need to listen to people. Really listen and believe what they tell us of their experience. And again, we need to speak up and call people out. Even if it's people we know or people we love.
So although it may seem to contradict itself - the advice I learned recently was to speak up and shut up. But just be sure you know the right moment to do either of these things. Find your voice, and allow others space to find theirs. Challenge yourself and challenge others. Learn to sit with uncomfortable information. See a new perspective. Be a good ally.
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