Burj Khalifa in Dubai, image from the Sydney Morning Hearld
I was chatting to a work friend recently about my blog. We were talking about writing online. Opening up about ourselves to other people. She commented, that as a victim of relentless high school bullying, any piece of information about yourself could be used against you. This, understandably has had a long and far reaching effect. I of all people should be aware of what happens when you let your guard down and find some people using it this as a weapon against you. People have walls up for a reason. It's difficult to be vulnerable.
But last week I was in awe. After the horrific news of the shootings in Christchurch, I watched a leader lead. Not through tough talk, chest beating or vendetta politics. But with empathy, love and kindness. This is the kind of shock and awe we need. Jacinda Ardern embraced grieving people and the pain was evident on everyone's faces. This was terrorism. This was white supremacy. This was hate armed with semi-automatic weapons. But her words spoke of unity, grief, support. Her focus was on the victims and their families and the heartbreak felt by the people of New Zealand. She would not let this action divide her country. It would be a reason for all people to come together to support each other. As one article so beautifully articulated - she spoke of an 'us' without creating a 'them'.
In the week following the attack, she spoke many times. I was mesmerised, tears welling each time I saw her. She showed such compassion and thoughtfulness. But also showed she was no push over either: “He sought many things from his act of terror, but one was notoriety. And that is why you will never hear me mention his name. He is a terrorist. He is a criminal. He is an extremist. But he will, when I speak, be nameless. And, to others, I implore you: speak the names of those who were lost, rather than the name of the man who took them. He may have sought notoriety, but we in New Zealand will give him nothing. Not even his name.”
Within the week the New Zealand parliament began talking gun laws and restrictions on semi-automatic weapons and parts which enable guns to be converted. People had already begun handing their guns into police stations and gun shops.
Jacinda Ardern has been praised by people around the world for her approach. She is showing another way forward. One of understanding and compassion. She is redefining what strength can look like. In watching her, I keep repeating lyrics in my head:
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
From 'I Know It's Over' by The Smiths
Could this be the moment? When being vulnerable, empathic and kind could also be seen as strength? When the idea of hardness also encompassed softness? I'm sure there are people that would be focused on her gender as I write this. But what if all people, regardless of identity or orientation got the memo that there are new ways of being strong? That the 'hard man' had his moment in the sun and unfortunately we keep ending up in the same war zone. Perhaps the time has come for real cooperation between cultures? By fostering respect for diversity and understanding of difference. For focusing on what makes us all similar rather than what separates us...from them.
This wonderful tweet is circulating thanks to Magda Szubanski (below). Yes, so many, many people could benefit from 'Arderning up'. Things can be different. There is a new way of leading and a new definition of strong. It just took a horrific event and a woman filled with empathy to show us.
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