Ten. It sounds crazy. But here we are. When Peter and I first met, and realised our connection, time didn't seem to sum up how we felt about each other. We'd only known each other for months but it felt monumental. When we finally got together, we willed days to rush by. That in doing so, the time we'd actually known each other would match how we felt. That the date would explain the depth of feeling, ability to finish each others sentences or understand how the other felt.
It seemed crazy to get married so quickly. But it just felt right. I've written something every year around our anniversary. It's become a record of our relationship, as time goes forward. As we face the ups and downs. It's become a very significant post for me to write. And this year marked quite a significant number. It is our 10th wedding anniversary. From willing days to race by, we are now left scratching our heads wondering where on earth the time has gone.
It's an interesting year to reflect on how we're going. COVID-19 has meant that we've spent huge amounts of time together in the last six months. Although there's been adjustments to spending pretty much 24/7 together while riding the rollercoaster of emotions caused by a global pandemic, job uncertainty and general stress, we've weathered this period really well. I have been so profoundly grateful to have arms at the ready to hug me and someone who makes me laugh so much. We got into routines, like having lunch together every day. We'd catch up on the latest COVID press conference via our phones, discuss case numbers and deaths, and check in on each other. Poor Peter became my default work colleague who I unloaded on when I was stressed. He struggled with work being in our home for so many hours a day. But we kept talking and were honest about how we felt. We've tried to navigate this time to look after each other.
As I look back over the last decade, there have been times of fabulous fun and immense hardships. If I'm honest there was a moment a few years ago when I was close to breaking point. But that is the nature of relationships. Internal and external factors and stresses always come into play. Humans are complex. I'm so pleased to say that we've kept moving forward. We've navigated Peter's mental health together. And even as recently as a month ago we think we've found another layer to this, and some meds that seem to be helping him navigate the world differently. We both have a greater understanding of each other. As Peter continues to learn about himself, I also learn more about myself. This reminds me of our wedding vows from ten years ago:
I want to be with you always
Just as you are.
I choose you above all others,
To share my life with me in marriage.
I love you for yourself,
And want you to become all that you can be.
I promise to honour
And tenderly care for you,
To cherish and encourage
Your own fulfilment as an individual
For the rest of my life.
We were focussed on ensuring we would still love and support each other even as we changed and grew. Knowing that we can't expect things to stay the same over the years. I feel so lucky that as I grow older I have someone who looks at me the way Peter does. With love and caring. With understanding and support. With honesty and humour.
There's not a lot you can do to celebrate during a pandemic lockdown focussed on social distancing. We spent the day going for a walk together on a golf course which has been opened up as public green space. We ordered dinner from a fancy vegan/vego place in Fitzroy (Transformer) and had to coordinate it to be collected via taxi as Uber wouldn't deliver to our suburb. The beautiful people at the restuarant wrote on the cardboard box our food came in. Talk about feeling the love! We listened to the CD we made as a wedding gift, drank champagne, chatted and reminissed. The songs were one's we had posted to eachother on Facebook when we knew we were falling in love. Each song brought back memories. Lyrics summed up what it felt like to fall in love with Peter. I got up from the table to give him a hug. Tears rolled down my face and dropped gently onto him. Ten suddenly felt so special. A reminder of where we'd started and how the person in my arms is still such an amazing friend; a dear and wonderful partner. A person who makes me think, laugh, reflect. Someone who has helped me find my voice and listened to what I have to say.
I wrote ten years ago that getting married didn't make me feel different, but I felt my heart flutter when I saw his wedding ring (which matches mine) on his hand. A small silver symbol of our connection. Ten years on, being married to Peter feels monumental. Those same feelings I felt when we met, that this was different. A relationship unlike anything I've ever felt before. I trust him and can be open and vulnerable with him. Ten feels special. Ten is a celebration.
Here are the last two songs on our wedding CD. One Peter sent me (Stevie Wonder), and one I sent him (Kate Nash).
Comments